what should i say?! almost a year after my last blog.. i am still in the same situation... still contemplating.. still weighing things... still hurt and still betrayed by the only person i thought who could understand me even when i was not saying anything..

endless tears are freely flowing.. i already feel my eyes swell.. as far as i am concerned, i've done my part.. i kept my word... still i failed..

she chose them over me.. for the nth time.. i was dumped.. it felt worst this time.. all along i thought everything was ok.. but that's just what i thought...

how could i make her understand?! all i want to is give them my best.. my all.. in exchange, what did i get? betrayal.. :'(

this is far more worst than i ever thought could happen... after everything.. after the sleepless nights.. the tireless day.. after every moment that i held on for them... she never loved me.. she never did...

for the past 26 years, i've been competing with everybody just to get her attention... and all those times.. i failed..

i guess it's not just meant to be.. i'm not meant to have a family.. moreso, a mom... this hurts me the most...

moving on from here is the hardest part... wishing i could still hold on..  suddenly, there's no more reason left..

if something happens to me.. or if i have decided to do it.. just backread, you'll find out what i really want... please tell it to my so-called family.

thanks.

 

Miss blogging so much!

This is my stress reliever.. Due to too much workload, i was not able to blog often. Lately, I've been through a lot of troubles with work. Things i cannot specify here for confidentiality reasons.

With too much stress, i am thinking of quitting.. my current ym stat is "Suicide is a man's way of telling God "You cannot fire me - I quit". I'm seriously thinking about committing the act. I see it as the bravest thing one could ever do.

After battling with that thought, i thought of my family. As of the moment, my family's security is my number one priority. When i say security, it covers financially, emotionally, spiritually and all other things you want to associate it with. I cannot afford to leave them behind without knowing that they will be secured when it's my time to go.

Suddenly, i also thought of my friends. They've been there for me when i need them. They are my source of sanity. I know that whenever i fall, they will be there to shield me until such time i could pick up the pieces and be able to stand again.

Then there's Jheff. Yep, i promise to be there for him. To stand by him wherever, whenever. He has given me unconditional love i never thought i'd have. One day, we wished to walk down the aisle - together. We're looking forward to that day when my last name will change forever! But with the thought of claiming my own life, how could this be possible? Can i really just leave him?

Too many pros and cons. Hard to decide now!

I want somebody to open his eyes and be able to see the beauty of the world when i close mine. I have seen the beauty that surrounds me. Being able to help another person would make me feel much better. 

I also remembered those people i have helped before. I helped them with hospital bills, medicines, food, etc. Come to think of it... i have been helping people to prolong their life.. Yet, here i am contemplating to cut mine short!

To those people whose lives i have touched - thank you. You have all been a part of me.

To my family, you are my inspiration. Hard work is nothing if it means i could give you all the comforts that this world can offer.

To my friends, thanks for keeping my sanity. Your company is very much appreciated. You are my source of energy..

With this, i pray to the Lord, to give me enough strength to move forward. to keep me strong despite of what's happening around me.. to give me courage to face each day's troubles. to strengthen my faith to be able to hang on.. hold on...

 

Ei how are you guys doin?

 

This is my long overdue post on our BOHOL Trip. Honestly, all of us had a blast! We went to Bohol last year from September 19 – 21, 2008.

 

Expenses that I can still remember so far:

RT Airfare for 2pax via Cebu Pacific                                 8,160.00 PHP

Accomodation @ Billabong Hotel and Resort                   1,150 PHP/night

Choco-Panglao Tour c/o of Mang Jun (for 6pax)                2,700 PHP

Sea Tour c/o Mang Viao (for 6 pax)                                 1,600 PHP

 

Our flight:

 

5J 617

MANILA-TAGBILARAN

Friday, Sep 19, 2008

Depart 8:00 AM Arrive 9:15 AM

 

…………… 

5J 620

TAGBILARAN-MANILA

Sunday, Sep 21, 2008

Depart 1:20 PM Arrive 2:35 PM

 

Reviews:

Cebu Pacific

Well in this case I think I'm biased... why? Because I'm a loyal flyer of Cebu Pac.. I love their low rates!

 

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Billabong Hotel and Resort

            It only has 5 rooms. When we were there we are fortunate enough to have the hotel for ourselves. There are no other occupants at that time. It has a swimming pool too. The rooms are clean and spacious. It's relatively new. The owner and the staffs are very accommodating and attentive to our needs. It's not located in Alona Beach. It's along the road.

 

Will definitely stay there when we go back… J

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Choco-Panglao Tour (c/o Mang Jun)

            Mang Jun really knows what he is doing. He knows facts and history of the places we've been touring. Being well recommended by friends and fellow Girltalkers, we did not hesitate getting his services. He arrived on time and picked us up at the airport. Then we go straight to the tour. We went to the places listed below. I know we haven't gone to most of the places mainly because we took time in other tourist spots…

 

1)       Blood Compact Site

2)       Baclayon Church

3)       Phyton Viewing

4)       Tarsier Encounter

5)       Loboc River (where we had lunch while cruising)

6)       Chocolate Hills

7)       Butterfly Farm

8)       Man-made Forest

9)       Clarin's Ancestral House

10)    Hanging Bridge

11)    ICM (as per Mang Jun, it's their small mall!)

 

That tour keep us occupied for more than 10 hours. Why we took that long? Jheff and I, as well as our travel buddies, love to take pictures!!!

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Sea Tour c/o Mang Viao

            What can I say about Mang Viao? Well, he takes care of his clients very well. He's the father of Rebecca (the Muro-ami girl in Cesar Montano's film). He owns 4 boats that offer sea tours.

 

He constantly calls me to ask if we are ok with Mang Jun, if we liked the tour and most of all to ask how are we doing.. He wants to make sure that we were fine and having a great time in their province. On the dawn of September 20, he woke us up to get ready for our sea tour.

 

            He was not the one manning our boat. He left us with Kuya Roy (he's son in law) and Tirso (their boatman). We first went to Pamilacan island to see dolphins.. Unfortunately, the waves are big and so no dolphins are seen. Then we're off to Balicasag island where we ate brunch.. We had to buy fresh seafood from a makeshift store in the island. They also offer to cook the seafood you bought but with a  minimal cooking charge.

 

            For our brunch, we had Calamares, Sinigang na Maya-maya and Inihaw na Pusit. Their sinigang is just like Nilaga. It's not the same sinigang that I grew up eating.

 

            Our last stop before we went back to Panglao was the Virgin Island. There's no one living there that's why it is still virgin. The sand was fine. The waters are clear. You'll see fishes in the shore. It has a forest that is still so green!

 

            Here I played with the starfishes, sand and of course the beach water! It was great being here. I really appreciate the island because of the privacy it offers. We enjoyed swimming there too.

 

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Bohol Bee Farm

            The owner of the Billabong Hotel gave us free shuttle to Bohol Bee Farm. We ate early dinner in their resto. We had Honey Glazed Chicken (served with organic rice) and it's so yummy! Jheff had the organic salad too. To our surprise, the organic salad has flowers and leaves. In my opinion it's just like the flowers and leaves are freshly picked from their garden just before it was served. We had fun…

 

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After some bottles of beer, back in the hotel, and some swimming, we called it a night. The best night in Bohol ever!

 

I have to commend Boholanos for taking good care of us while we were there.

 

Surely the stay is so memorable!

 

***NOTE***

Our pictures are here --> http://mickyflores.multiply.com/photos/album/3/BOHOL_Adventures

 

It's the last day of the year 2008. Everyone here is preparing for the grand dinner tonight to welcome 2009! But not me, i'm here in front of my pc, thinking of what else can i share with you guys. i cannot start on the Bohol Entry yet. I'm just not in the mood. I'd like to welcome 2009 with high spirits. And with that, I'd like to share this with you.

This is entitled PROMISE YOURSELF.

"Promise yourself to be so strong
that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Talk health, happiness and prosperity
to every person you meet.

Look at the sunny side of everything and
make your optimism come true.

Think only of the best,
work only for the best,
and expect only the best.

Be enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

Forget the mistakes of the past and
press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.

Be too large for worry,
too noble for anger,
too strong for fear and
too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

Live in the faith that
the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true
to the best that is in you!"

- Christian D. Larson

I hope everyone will have a great New Year. Leave all the fears, worries and troubles behind. Let's look forward to a brighter and prosperous 2009!

Thanks for reading my blog.. and for sharing another wonderful year with me.. =)

For this Holidays, here's what I'm praying...

Slow me down, Lord!
Ease the pounding of my heart
By the quieting of my mind.
Steady my harried pace
With a vision of the eternal reach of time.

Give me,
Amidst the confusions of my day,
The calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tensions of my nerves
With the soothing music
Of the singing streams
That live in my memory.

Help me to know
The magical power of sleep,
Teach me the art
Of taking minute vacations
Of slowing down
To look at a flower;
To chat with an old friend
Or make a new one;
To pat a stray dog;
To watch a spider build a web;
To smile at a child;
Or to read a few lines from a good book.

Remind me each day
That the race is not always to the swift;
That there is more to life
Than increasing its speed.

Let me look upward
Into the branches of the towering oak
And know that it grew great and strong
Because it grew slowly and well.

Slow me down, Lord,
And inspire me to send my roots deep
Into the soil of life's enduring values
That I may grow toward the stars
Of my greater destiny.

Wilferd A. Peterson

***i wanna live like before i work. i had a very laidback life. how i wish i could go on vacation and appreciate the beauty of nature once more... how i wish to see the good old friends i had... how i wish i could have the good old days back...

 

I know that this entry is already long overdue... It's supposed to be my Birthday entry for 2008.. But hey, it's better late than never. :)

A week before my birthday i was hospitalized due to unknown illness. My doctors found nothing. Initially, all of them do not want to give me a discharge order. But i insisted. I am scheduled t go to HongKong Disneyland. In the end, i won their hearts over.

JUNE 21-23, 2008

HongKong here we come. Even if I felt a little weak, I'm still as excited as every child would be to see Mickey Mouse, my long time favorite. With my mom, I pushed through with the trip. After two hours, we landed at the HK Airport via the Cebu Pacific flight. A travel agent from Prince Travel picked us up at the airport. We were billeted at the Disney Hollywood Hotel. I was amazed at the place. There's mickey mouse everywhere. We had a buffet dinner at Chef Mickey's. Then we took a walk at the Hotel's Garden, had some pictures taken then went back to the room to rest. The next day was even more exciting.We take a buffet breakfast again at the Chef Mickey's. After that we went to the Disneyland. It was a long and tiring day. But the memories I had there cannot be replaced. Our ticket is a two day pass at the Theme Park. Next day is pretty much the same except that we spent a short day in the theme park only. We went to Fa Yuen St. where the sports apparels and accessories are. We strolled and bought some pasalubongs at the tiangge. I was able to buy a fire truck, an addition to my collection. It was a birthday gift from mom. it cost a little less than 3k. We ate at the Cafe de Coral. Then we head to the airport and back home.

JUNE 24, 2008

My exact birthday. We went back to the hospital. Before i was discharged, i actually promised to be back for the rounds of check up. I spent almost a day again in the hospital. Then Jheff treated us to dinner, his birthday gift for me. My mom, Jheff and I ate dinner at Trellis, Kalayaan Branch.

***Note:

I will post pictures of the HK trip on my multiply site..

--Update--

Here's the link of my HK trip with mom. http://mickyflores.multiply.com/photos/album/5/HK_Trip_2008

 

 

 

to you my bestfriend mon..

Edmund Greg "MON" Suarez Faustino
January 17, 1972 - February 07, 2008

Special Memory

You will always be a special part of me
You will always be a special memory
I`ll always cherish wonderful moments
You have given me
You are in my heart wherever I may be

All the times we shared will always be to me
Songs my heart will sing refreshing melodies
I`ll put together all of your laughter
Like a symphony
I`ll remember you wherever I may be

(Instrumental)

I`ll put together all of your laughter
Like a symphony
I`ll remember you wherever I may be

I`ll remember you wherever I may be
I`ll remember you wherever I may be

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

last thursday, February 7, 2008.. i lost my bestfriend.. i lost one of the most important people in my life.. i lost edmund greg "mon" suarez faustino...

he was brave enough to take his own life.. i still can't believe that he's gone..

i'll miss you bestie.. promise me that you'd welcome me home when it's my time to go...

i love you so much.. rest assured that your memories will live on. i'll always cherish wonderful moments you have given me.. you are in my heart wherever i may be.. you will always be a special part of me.. i'll remember you.. till we meet again..

Kung ayaw mo na sa akin
'Di na kita pipilitin
Kung buo na ang loob mo
Bahala ka na sa buhay mo

At 'di ako desperado
Sa walang kapantay na pag-ibig mo
Sa mga halik mong walang kasing tamis
Tubig ako at ikaw ay langis

[Refrain]
Kung hindi ka na babalik
Araw-araw na akong gigimik
Kung malayo ka na ay malaya na ako
Ngunit ang kahapon ko ay bihay pa rin ng ala-ala mo

[Chorus]
Kung ayaw mo na sa akin
'Di na kita hahabulin
Medyo bata pa naman ako
May mabibighani pa sa akin siguro

Kung ayaw mo na ako
Leche lalong ayaw ko sa'yo
Alam mo naman kung sa'n ang bahay ko
Baka sakali magbago ang isip mo please

(Repeat Refrain)

waaaaaaaaaaaaa... my heart keeps on wailing since april 2...

i don't know if it's just co-incidence or whatever.. that everytime i write a blog-entry that we're back together... something not so nice happens.. like now.. out of nowhere it just happened.. and to think, we didn't even had a fight or an argument.. we're just talking.. suddenly.. those words were uttered..

you said it's for my own good... i know.. you love me that much to think of how i would feel.. we're friends.. i'm glad the friendship stays... thank you so much...

i just want you to know that.. no matter what happens.. i'm still here.. for you...

and that...

"It's hard to walk around the town with a big smile and a bandaged heart..."

below are the pictures of our happy times... i'll miss you... take care...

this one goes out to the one i love...